A is for Aftershave
It’s estimated that only one in every 50 bottles of aftershave sold in the UK is bought by a man for himself.
I say estimated because I’ve just made it up, but it’s bound to be there or thereabouts.
Your chances of receiving the gift that keeps on smelling on Father’s Day are high and if you thought Hai Karate had been discontinued, think again.
Sub-post offices up and down the land have supplies enough to keep us suitably scented until well into the 2030s.
B is for Breakfast in Bed
If you are a new Dad with a small baby of the still-waking-up-in-the-night variety, it’s worth considering trading each item of your “special breakfast” for an extra 10 minutes in bed.
While there’s no agreed rate card, an hour in exchange for your similarly exhausted partner not having to cook a bacon butty seems like a fair deal all round.
C is for Card
Without Father’s Day in our lives, the world would be criminally short of poker-playing dogs watching someone play golf while astride a red sports car.
The Father’s Day card has become a kitsch classic, if for no other reason than it acts as a reminder for most new dad’s that they no longer have time to fit in 18 holes, let alone take on the locals at three-card brag.
D is for Daddy, Daddy, Daddy
Despite the fatigue and the workload, the days of having little ones around your feet are glorious ones and come and go in a relative blink of an eye. Soaking up every Father’s Day hug for all it’s worth is a must.
E is for Exercise
Exercise! On your special day? If you can never find the time for that run, you need to get back into the fitness zone, or a trip to the gym to reintroduce yourself to your legs, then you won’t get a better opportunity than on Father’s Day.
F is for Film
You have the power to make your house a Mr Tumble-free-zone for the day. Use it wisely. Back to the Future, E.T., Star Wars... stick a classic on and watch your little ones becoming as enthralled as you were when you first saw them.
G is Get in touch
Phone, email, Skype or in person... it doesn’t matter how you do it, if you are lucky enough to have your father still around, don’t forget that just because you’re the Daddy now, you are still a son somewhere else.
H is for Home-made
Cards, hats, paper ties... anything your children make for you as a gift doesn’t just require the traditional enormous response of amazement and gratitude.
Make sure it’s kept in a box in the loft too – it’ll mean much more to you when they are away at university in 15 years’ time.
I is for I Love You
Is it possible to either hear and use these three little words too much? Probably not. Make Father’s Day a love-in at your place.
J is for Jigsaw
K is for Kite
Let’s go fly a kite, up to the highest height, let’s all go fly a kite. One of those life-enhancing activities where Dad ends up enjoying himself a bit too much.
L is for Lie-in
If you dream of sleep, or would do if you ever got any, a lie-in on Father’s Day is a perfectly acceptable request.
M is for Mummy
Every day should be Mother’s Day really, shouldn’t it? The cornerstone of the family, the country, the entire species!
If you play the switcheroo and turn your Father’s Day into a second Mother’s Day you won’t just be the talk of your partner’s female friends, their men will despise you almost as much as they kick themselves for not thinking of it first.
N is for Nap
Breakfast in Bed and Lie-in. You’ve got one day of the year where announcing you are off for an afternoon nap will be met by something other than a cushion in the face and a derisory snort. Carpe diem!
O if for Open House
Why not invite all of your father friends and their families round for a shindig so you can enjoy the day together and the kids can have a ball, too.
P is for Paddling Pool
If the sun is even remotely out, don’t just get the paddling pool on the go for the kids – get your trunks on and have a splash about, too, just because you can.
Q is for Quote
“Fatherhood is pretending the best present in the world is soap-on-a-rope.” Bill Cosby.
R is for routine-free zone
Between school runs, nursery pick-ups and swimming lessons, it’s next to impossible for spontaneity to get a look in. Make Father’s Day free and easy. Pyjamas obligatory until noon, lunch on the hoof and zero tolerance on clock-watching all day.
S is for Sunday Papers
Remember them? Rather than just having them on the side you can, if you so wish, read them from cover to cover today! Joy beyond belief.
T & U are for Ties & Underwear
As if you need any more signs than the undergrowth sprouting from your ears that middle age is imminent, you may be quietly pleased by a tie and pants combo. Driving gloves are next.
V is for Vacuum
Not today thanks Henry.
W is for Wrinkle Cream
Don’t be offended if a few male grooming products make it on to your Father’s Day loot. Because you’re worth it!
X is for Kisses
Loads of them. Loads and loads from your little uns.
Y is for Y-fronts
Trendy apparently, so no pulling faces when you unwrap a pair.
Z is for Zzzz
Breakfast in bed, lie in and nap. A lie in, afternoon nap and an early night with your beloved. Bliss. Happy Father’s Day!